BODY-BASED COACHING AND FACILIATION TO TRANSFORM INTERNAL AND EXTERNAL CONFLICT
Our lives are filled with internal and external conflicts
Ever since we were children, we have been finding ways to live with internal and external conflicts. Things we wanted but could not have. Being told to do things we did not want to do. Discouraged or prevented from learning the subjects, instruments, sports that really interest us. Unable to do and be all the things that the people in our lives, wanted for us.
As a child, our parents and care takers did their best to teach us, but often their expectations of us, and our own expectations of ourselves caused pain, loneliness and sadness. We all learned different coping mechanisms:
- Some of us became ambitious, disciplined and focused as way to strive to be better.
- Some of us became extreme “givers”, always saying yes and overriding our own needs.
- Some of us became passive and quiet, as a way to avoid conflict at all cost.
- Some of us buried our talents and dreams for fear of rejection and disappointment.
Most of us have developed a combination of strategies. But the issue isn’t the conflict or the strategy itself because life will always be filled with conflict. The issue is we don’t recognize the struggle as an internal or external conflict. We only see one side of the issue or our options and choices feel limited and tight.
What do I mean when I say conflict?
INTERNAL CONFLICT
Refers to anytime you feel or think you should be different to what you are. It happens when your “should’s” collide with your needs and wants.
It happens when you judge yourself for not being good enough or not doing enough. You might even feel let down by your body when it aches and hurts. Often there are feelings of guilt, shame and resentment towards the self and body.
EXTERNAL CONFLICT
External conflict involves another person, situation or life event. It happens when you disagree with someone else’s values, morals and /or behaviours.
Usually there is judgement towards the other person and you feel an inequality or injustice that creates a fight, flight or freeze response in the body. Your environment and experience feels outside of your control and you’ve been triggered.
The more unresolved conflicts we have in our life, the more powerless we feel
It doesn’t matter if we are fighting a battle internally or if we are fighting a battle externally, eventually it is draining and exhausting for our mind, body and nervous system.
If we have accumulated a whole bunch of these conflicts, for example, at work, with your partner, with your daughter and son, with your boss, with your friends, with your mother-in-law, … these unresolved conflicts build up and often leave us feeling tired, stressed and overwhelmed.
We end up feeling powerless because we can’t see any favorable choices and can’t pinpoint the root cause of the issue.
Resolving conflict first through the body
Believe it or not, the conflict and judgments you feel towards yourself and others, sits in your body. Those stuck emotions and heavy thoughts are stored physically in your body. And when I work with clients, we work on the body first because it is wonderful at telling the truth.
It will tell us if you are sad, angry, upset, frustrated about something or simply need to rest. It will also tell us what you’re longing for and how you can use your strengths to move in the direction that you desire.
But it doesn’t just stop there …
Counter act and prevent conflict through creative expression and play… yes play!
Over the last 8+ years of working with clients in Berlin and Copenhagen on conflict, I have noticed that underneath the mountain of “should’s”, lies a deep desire and need for creative expression and play.
For many of us, our creative pursuits and dreams have been crushed. We started to take ourselves very seriously. It’s like our inner sense of play got stuck somewhere and we think that by being responsible and doing the right thing, we will be happy again.
But it’s the actually opposite. By reconnecting to that inner playfulness, wonder and joy we can see and experience life differently.
What will ignite this playfulness? That’s for us to discover together. It could be taking long walks in nature. It could be playing a musical instrument. It could be through painting, dance, cooking, yoga, writing, meditation, travel… All you need to know now is, your body will guide this exploration … it will tell us which direction to go in, which steps to take and how to integrate it into your life in a meaningful and simple way.
If you want to change something in your current situation, have my support in the journey and reignite your sense of play – have a look here on how we could work together.
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