ASKING FOR HELP as a really independent person

The first weeks of re-discovering Berlin have passed. They have been quite amazing and exciting… to connect with new and old friends, to walk old and new streets…

And actually the very first days, when I arrived I had the flu. Which was frustrating but highlighted even more a learning of the past years. I can ask for help. Part of my process towards that discovery was coming from my body to words through writing…


Being a strong, independent, responsible person was so much associated with doing everything on my own.

The old version.
Decisions about my life, as well as actions, I do on my own. Move country. Move apartment. Change profession. Travel. Work.
Holding to a minimum the favors I ask. The questions for help. The pride of carrying a (way to heavy) table on my own. Payed with the splint in my hand and years later a little piece of wood still inside.
Independence. But somehow an awkward weird version… because it comes with loneliness.

The fear.
To loose my independence, my strength, my will power when I am connected to others. The fear is that dependence is the opposite of independence. That I have to give up on myself, when I commit and depend on others.

Arrogance paired with fear.
I do. I manage. I take care of my own feelings. And that of everyone around me. I help tons of people. But to reach out, when I really feel vulnerable… oof.

The new discovery.
Taking responsibility and being determined to create… in collaboration, in connection with others. And at the same time, it’s somehow still taking decisions about my life, as well as actions, on my own. Move country. Move apartment. Build a business.

Asking friends for help,is not the opposite of independence.
Asking is no guarantee for getting things done exactly in the way and the timing that I wish for. But the likelihood rises. The chance for serendipity to appear and support.
Sharing with my environment that I don’t have all the answers. Asking until I have found a next step that sits well with me.

Of course I depend on people. I’m a social being. Even when I do ‚everything on my own‘ – I depend on them when I buy food, when I use the public transport…
And I depend on personal connections. Friends. I thrive with people. I think out loud and discover what the next thing might be. With people.

Gratitude paired with excitement.
Releasing the effort of having to prove (to myself?) that I can do it, because I know I can if I have to. But that’s the good thing. I don’t have to. I don’t have to pretend it’s different than it is right now. When the time comes, I’ll find a way.
And for now, I’m finding my way in the time that is.

Appreciating the curiosity of exploring a new old place. Connecting with friends. Meeting new people. Enjoying conversations with strangers. Being vulnerable with those I love and maybe even others. Allowing myself to cry when I need to cry.

None of this threatens my strength or independence. Rather… it is a part of being human. Like breathing. Like eating.

Sharing with the world, the questions that appear… in this curious challenge that is life.


Thank you for following me on this journey and reading my stream of thoughts and feelings.

How are you at asking for help – where is it easy? Why is it tough? And how do you find a way through the challenges?

Leave a comment or email me, if you like. I’d be curious to hear from you.

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