when words don’t do it…

several times this weeks, i wanted to sit down and write about experiences that are beyond words.
experiences that don’t make sense anymore, as soon as they are put to words and instead sound ridiculous.


sometimes i notice the limitation of writing.
it’s that writing needs words.
and feelings and body sometimes come up with things that have no words.
maybe it’s old
maybe it’s too complex.

and so we don’t talk about them.
or even try to ‚un-notice‘ them.
explain why something else makes more sense, than these sensations

feeling the shock of someone close to my parents dying when i was just over two years.
my client feeling lonely when she ‚knows‘ there are so many people out there to support her, who she can talk to
fear of failing at something that is tried for the first time
a pain in the gut, that shouldn’t be there
the pain for my friends’ pain
the low back, that feels empty and like a hole between the upper part of the body and the lower part of the body

immediatly this changes when i am with the body.
it’s still doesn’t ‘make sense’ when i touch.
but it’s not ridiculous when i’m next to someone.
when i put my hands on the back that ‚feels empty‘.
when i breathe and feel the shock, feel the surprise and then let go of my belly so that my body can digest better
when something someone says, just one sentence can create a softness in my body and i notice that that made the different…

to me it doesn’t make sense. it’s still weird. after so many years.
but also. it’s real. it’s my experience. it allows me to move on and be with the paradox weird things in life

sometimes words can make the change.
but sometimes they are making things more complicated.

i’m good at this being with paradox things. with discomfort. with pain. and not understand it, but breathe with it, move with it and integrate it.

if you need someone to do just that. i’ll be there.
it might still not make sense. but all of you can be there. the absurdity. the pain. the joy.
i’ll be there next to you
and practice. with you

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