Stories and thoughts

any conflict is about integrity

any conflict is about integrity

Conflict is a part of life as much as breathing is. Whether it is the quarrels of a teenager with their parents, the little moments in everyday life of a partnership or determining who is right in the conversation with a ticket-inspector guy in the tram.
It seems that we need them… conflicts… to develop, to set boundaries and also to connect with our community.
I believe conflicts are moments of negotiating our integrity and finding ways of how we can be in community while being ourselves.

From the moment we’re born (maybe even earlier, when we’re conceived) we are primed to want to survive. we want to ensure the integrity of our physicality, be fed, safe and connected.
And the more conscious we become, the more we realize that we don’t just want to survive but that we want to live well.

What ‘well’ means, depends largely on our experiences and our values. There are physical basics but even there, personal preferences and needs differ. At the same time, we share values and certain needs with large groups of people.

Sometimes we do get into a fight or conflict for the sake of it… but even then, I’m assuming that we do so in an attempt to establish, maintain or strengthen our integrity.

If we didn’t mind, we wouldn’t have to fight.
If we didn’t mind, we wouldn’t need to rationalize actions that aren’t in line with our values or cut off of feelings that are painful or uncomfortable.
If we didn’t mind, we wouldn’t need to hide our mistakes, our shame or our pain.

Integrity is the word for ‘the state of being whole and undivided‘ (stemming from the latin word ’integer’ which means intact). It is the process we’re striving for, with our whole body – healing wounds, digesting food to integrate, breathing, making sense of the world with our minds.

Often, the difficult part is that integrity isn’t always comfortable. That when we want to stay or be whole, we sometimes have to heal from wounds and that takes time, a moment of realizing that there is something that is ‘off’ and then giving it the time and effort it needs to heal or let it go.

Sometimes it appears easier to stay in a job we don’t like and where we don’t get along with the people. It seems easier to avoid the conflict of confronting this and to numb our own gut feeling.

I’m not arguing for easy.
I believe any conflict is an effort to make sense of our experience of the world and to live in it with integrity.
I’m arguing for integrity and for the intention of maintaining it, for the practice of feeling what my experience really is and being true to that. And I’m arguing that there are tricks and tools that we can use and practice that make it easier, kinder and less lonely to maintain our integrity than making the effort of hiding places that aren’t as pretty as we want them to be.

Integrity isn’t about acting beautifully when I’m seen. It is about living in a way where all of me – my idealism, my realism, my humanism, my need for connection get space and I can stand behind the decisions I make. Sometimes by allowing the pain or regret that comes from ’mistakes’. Sometimes by just simply enjoying the complexity of life and wanting to learn more.

 

Practice: questioning as a practice to establish integrity
When you find yourself in a conflict that repeats, that you meet again and again, you can ask yourself
  • in which way is your integrity questioned?
  • What do you need to maintain your integrity – is it to do with your values that you need to stand up for?
  • Is it a basic need that needs attending?
  • How can you use this conflict to learn about what is important for you?
  • Is there anything that you’re defending out of principle, or to avoid an uncomfortable sensation?
  • And which kind of support or environment do you need, in order to feel safe enough so that you can dare to allow the uncomfortable sensation and find new way of taking care of your integrity?
And as you ask yourself these questions (in writing/journaling or simply thinking about them), I encourage you to breathe and notice your physical integrity. Notice your body where you are, where you touch the ground and feel the movement of life through your breath.

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Serendipity

Serendipity

Oh these moments, when you just wish for something to happen – big or small –

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when words don’t do it…

when words don’t do it…

several times this weeks, i wanted to sit down and write about experiences that are beyond words.

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A NEED FOR UNREASONABLE WISHES – Practice

A NEED FOR UNREASONABLE WISHES – Practice

I promised a practice to follow up on my article on unreasonable wishes.

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A NEED FOR UNREASONABLE WISHES

A NEED FOR UNREASONABLE WISHES

First of all the question is – what is reasonable and what is unreasonable?

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All those shoulds

All those shoulds

No matter how many times I’ve started something new of thrown myself out there into a new kind of experience…

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Let’s move from hard work to practice

Let’s move from hard work to practice

My friend Peter wrote a text on building your passion,

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On saying goodbye when someone got under my skin

On saying goodbye when someone got under my skin

I have been saying goodbye to a lot of people and places these past weeks.

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Moving with my Community

Moving with my Community

What if community isn’t something we share as a group, but we each have our own?

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Flexibility with Breathing

Flexibility with Breathing

I wish to offer a sense of ease and playfulness around taking care of the body.

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ASKING FOR HELP as a really independent person

ASKING FOR HELP as a really independent person

The first weeks of re-discovering Berlin have passed.

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Preparing for a Leap

Preparing for a Leap

Tingly.

In a way restless… In a way curious… Like I’m about to take a big leap.

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I feel it all

I feel it all

doing the move slowly…

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Search your feelings…

Search your feelings…

So for a long time I actively resisted watching Star Wars.

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why do you call it fear?

why do you call it fear?

life in transition

some evenings in my bed
restless

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me. as a whole.

me. as a whole.

when i was a teenager
i was avoiding things

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feminine and masculine

feminine and masculine

somehow a mixing up of being a woman and being feminine

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Can we go for #fuckyou or #speakup, instead?

Can we go for #fuckyou or #speakup, instead?

I have had a lot of conversations this week.

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#thisismyboundary

#thisismyboundary

I too, have been following the #metoo-movement…

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Love and Sorrow

Love and Sorrow

The sensation in the body is a little bit tight in the chest, warm and gloomy.

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papa’s friend

papa’s friend

schalkig
long
cheeky

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at the airport

at the airport

the arrival area

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Learning at a festival …

Learning at a festival …

It’s the first day of a festival. I have been excited about going.

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trust

trust

the sensation of trusting that you’ll be there

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Credits and Copyrights

Credits and Copyrights

Seriously, what’s the deal with people being afraid that their method will be diluted?

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being me

being me

‘be you, inspiring us to be us’

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A wish is a wish. And that’s it.

A wish is a wish. And that’s it.

The wish is there. But the haze is gone.

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Menstruation and pain…

Menstruation and pain…

‚Not more than others‘
‚Only the first few days‘… How many times have I heard this, when asking about pain or discomfort

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The challenge with feeling what I really want

The challenge with feeling what I really want

The trouble with really feeling what I want,… once I do, I really feel it.

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Everyday Presence vs. substance-induced awareness…

Everyday Presence vs. substance-induced awareness…

In my last post I was trying to come to terms with the ‚Self‘.

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Wonderings about the mysterious ‘Self’

Wonderings about the mysterious ‘Self’

I have so many interesting conversations these days.

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Different scopes of a practice of presence

Different scopes of a practice of presence

In April I published about a book about practice of presence and then…

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Integrity in inspiring teachers

Integrity in inspiring teachers

(Part three of my series on looking for integrity in teachers, coaches, and other “inspirational authorities“.)

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How to create a culture of consent and respect?

How to create a culture of consent and respect?

(this is part two in my series on looking for integrity in teachers, coaches, and other “inspirational authorities“.)

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I dare to say yes, when it’s safe to say no

I dare to say yes, when it’s safe to say no

What makes a good teacher?

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Inspiring Resources: Body, Attention, Living…

Inspiring Resources: Body, Attention, Living…

Here is the list that started in Everyday Presence – a personal description and will probably go on forever.

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Everyday Presence… What the – ?

Everyday Presence… What the – ?

This week I sent a manuscript to a printing company

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Physical Exercise to practice Integrity

Physical Exercise to practice Integrity

There is no one, regardless of ability level, that can’t be connected to physical sensations” – Ohad Naharin

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Questions about embodied integrity

Questions about embodied integrity

When I look back at how I lived integrity earlier I see a paradox that is part in making it challenging.

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Tired of Angels and Vibrations… Rant…

Tired of Angels and Vibrations… Rant…

During a wonderful new year’s dinner with friends, we played a game.

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Client Feedback: Nærmest skræddersyet til graviditeter!

Client Feedback: Nærmest skræddersyet til graviditeter!

Jeg tænker så tit på hvor meget sammenhæng der har været for mig i min graviditet mellem min krop og mit hoved, mens jeg gik hos dig.

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World! Can we please teach children to say NO?

World! Can we please teach children to say NO?

A couple of months ago, I was on the playground with my friend and her wonderful daughter.

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“Dancing with the Fear” is not a metaphor

“Dancing with the Fear” is not a metaphor

I think it was through my focus on dancing

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Working with Aninia during Pregnancy

Working with Aninia during Pregnancy

Anna shares her experience:

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Working with Aninia: My Experience

Working with Aninia: My Experience

“…I have some problems with stress, which cause sometimes my hair and beard to not grow…”

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How to “name it” – when it’s all so cloudy?

How to “name it” – when it’s all so cloudy?

One of the skills I’m practicing is „naming it“.

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I just Want to Learn

I just Want to Learn

about the body and life

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Works for me

Works for me

What’s with the compulsive need to tell others how to live their lives?

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Just Outside My Comfort Zone.

Just Outside My Comfort Zone.

Last year I went to a winter-movement retreat.

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Mixed Messages.

Mixed Messages.

I don’t enjoy mixed messages

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Sometimes I don’t understand anything…and I enjoy it anyway

Sometimes I don’t understand anything…and I enjoy it anyway

I can get really annoyed when someone tells me how I have to do something, in order for life to be wondrous.

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Tribute to U.

Tribute to U.

My last post was mainly hurt.

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When will it heal? And what does that mean?

When will it heal? And what does that mean?

Time will heal all wounds.

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Stress starter vel mellem ørerne… men medfører fysiske reaktioner. Feedback efter Læringsforløb

Stress starter vel mellem ørerne… men medfører fysiske reaktioner. Feedback efter Læringsforløb

Mine oplevelser med Aninia og Grinberg metoden.

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“Et vigtigt skridt tilbage til et normalt liv” feedback efter recoveryforløb

“Et vigtigt skridt tilbage til et normalt liv” feedback efter recoveryforløb

Da jeg kom første gang var min situation således:

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Silence after the Storm

Silence after the Storm

Since I was 16 years old, I have had friends who live in areas which are frequently subject to bombings of different kinds.

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Vejrtrækning er enkelt!

Vejrtrækning er enkelt!

I denne uge har jeg igen mødt min kærlighed for vejrtrækning

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Scheidungskind…

Scheidungskind…

Something I’ve often been thinking about since I was around 7 (yes) are „divorce children“.

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In Memory Of…

In Memory Of…

How do you miss someone, who you have been resisting most of your (adult) life?

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Who am I? – Thinking about Identity

Who am I? – Thinking about Identity

The other day I was out dancing and someone told me that they will have to get up early the next morning,

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Dealing with Elections – Dealing with Fear

Dealing with Elections – Dealing with Fear

In the past weeks the debates and preparations for the elections have been pushing Danish politics into my attention.

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Not being able to fix it all…

Not being able to fix it all…

This week has been one of those weeks…

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Relationship advice. Really?

Relationship advice. Really?

This past month gave me a couple of opportunities to consider my way of looking at relationships

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Translating: Body – Mind

Translating: Body – Mind

About a year ago, I had an experience with a client that is still mystifying.

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The Mind – a Physical Process

The Mind – a Physical Process

I was listening to Brad Blanton and he distinguishes between three different minds:

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The Pleasure of Thinking – Learning from the Thinking Man

The Pleasure of Thinking – Learning from the Thinking Man

This week has been quite exciting…
I started a thinking process of how I want to focus my intentions

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Freeing My Movement, My Being through Words

Freeing My Movement, My Being through Words

Freeing my movement definitely aims at freeing the being of me,

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Thoughts about Rumors

Thoughts about Rumors

Thinking further on the subject of clarity and directness between people, I’m trying to wrap my head around „rumors“.

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Directness with People

Directness with People

After a very nice and long brunch with friends today, I’m using my Saturday evening to write a little more.

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I WENT ALL IN! And will do it again.

I WENT ALL IN! And will do it again.

It is my birthday tomorrow and yesterday I got divorced.
And I wouldn’t have believed it, if anyone had told me a year ago.

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Learning Well Being like Dancing

Learning Well Being like Dancing

I want a way to be well that is more like learning dancing,

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It’s like Learning to Dance.

It’s like Learning to Dance.

Learning well being?
I’ve been interested in different kinds of movement, theatre, dance and music as long as I can remember

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„Breathe to your belly!“ – is not the solution for everything…

„Breathe to your belly!“ – is not the solution for everything…

As I said before – I wanted to learn to do a headstand and I did. Now.

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Start where you are. And Breathe.

Start where you are. And Breathe.

I always admired people who could do a headstand.

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  • “Aninia has a very special ability to understand the body and its reactions to pain. She is thorough, trusting and not least, a good teacher.”

    – Stine, 28

  • “… to just see what happens and enjoy the moment. This is a great gift. Thank you for it.”

    – Anne, 32

  • “I have been going to Grinberg Sessions with Aninia … This gives me more freedom in being who I want to be both in the workplace and in my personal, close relationships.”

    – Dorthe, Head of Payroll, 42

  • “I learnt to open up to our physical language as the mirror reflection of our mental state, and to date I can say this led to better control and confidence in dealing with both good and hard times.”

    – Francesca, Project Manager, 35

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